Sometimes the Lord speaks so tenderly to my heart that I want to sit down and have a good cry. (Men, I know you don’t understand the concept of a ‘good cry’, but just go with me here.) And to think He would do it out of a book like Nehemiah! Who would have ever thought?
Today’s When Words Won’t Come is so incredibly personal that I’m afraid it might be boring to you, but I’m throwing it out there anyway. Feel free to tag along.
My Tuesday morning Bible study group is doing Kelly Minter’s awesome study entitled “Nehemiah: A Heart That Can Break”. I would highly recommend it!! Kelly took us to Nehemiah 9 to look at Abraham and his heart of obedience toward God. Take a look at Nehemiah 9: 7-8 (NIV):
“You are the Lord God, who chose Abram and brought him out of Ur of the Chaldeans and named him Abraham. You found his heart faithful to you, and you made a covenant with him to give to his descendants the land of the Canaanites, Hittites, Amorites, Perrizzites, Jebusites and Girgashites. You have kept your promise because you are righteous.”
Seven words resonated: ‘You found his heart faithful to you’.
In the study, Kelly asked, ‘does God see my heart as faithful toward Him?’ What a question!!
I feel like I fail Him so often.
She then goes on to say something that just slayed me:
“A faithful heart is not necessarily a perfect heart. Abraham had a few big seasons of sin that hurt his wife and put the lives of others in danger, yet something in his heart still rung faithful to the ears of God.”
I was undone when I read that. Undone!!!!!
You see, I am a perfectionist. A controller. Yes, what you now hear is the sound of a hearty AMEN from many who know me!!
I am. And when I don’t do something completely 100% right, I feel like the whole thing is garbage….ruined. It is an all-or-nothing kind of thing with me. I either do it (whatever ‘it’ happens to be) 100% right or I feel like a failure. I especially, and often, feel like a failure before my family. They see the good, bad, and the ugly Leah, yet here I am in ministry…talking to others about leaving a godly legacy. In my perfectionistic (I know that isn’t a word!!) mind, because I mess up, I’m a failure.
When I read that sentence about a faithful heart is not necessarily a perfect heart, my little heart found a measure of healing. It felt like I was given a beautiful gift straight from the mouth of God. I heard Him say, ‘I see your heart, Leah, and I know you are faithful to me. In spite of your mistakes, I see you as faithful.’ I nearly sat down and had an ugly cry right there. How I needed to hear that! It was so freeing and healing to me. It gave me the permission I needed to walk out this life obediently, yet knowing there will be mistakes that I will make. God gets that! So, should I.
MEDITATION MOMENT: What about you? Does God see your heart as faithful? How does that hit you?
