Can we all agree that sometimes relationships are H.A.R.D?
It matters not whether it is your husband, wife, child, family member, co-worker, pastor, or the janitor in your building at work, there are times when relationships get all discombobulated and difficult. At those times, we tend to think, “what is wrong with so-and-so?” or “why can’t so-and-so get it?”. We immediately jump to the conclusion that the other person is wrong and is doing whatever they are doing just so they can irritate us or make us angry. Can I get a witness?
What if we called a time-out in our head and asked ourselves a couple of questions? What if we extended grace in the moment rather than judgment and accusation? Let’s try, shall we?
Question #1: What is the ‘why’ behind the other person’s response?
When someone responds to you in an angry, irritated, or hurtful manner perhaps there is a ‘why’ behind their response and it may not be the ‘why’ you assume it to be. Maybe the person is having a difficult time in their marriage, with their children, or at work. Perhaps they just got a bad report from the doctor or the bank called and said their checking account was overdrawn…AGAIN.
You feel like the person’s response did not fit the crime. Perhaps all you did was forget to do a chore. Maybe you did not fill up the gas tank or pick up milk from the store, or any one of a hundred other things that might cause irritation, but not anger. When that person responds in a way that is not equal to the offense, you have a choice: either respond back in anger or ask yourself what the ‘why’ might be behind their response.
We all have times when we are under stress and our emotions rule the moment. The next time you are in a situation where someone seems to respond inappropriately, in addition to asking yourself what the ‘why’ might be behind their response, also ask yourself:
Question #2: What is the most generous explanation for the person’s action?
This is where you can show mercy, generosity, and kindness. Rather than ASSUMING you know what is going on in the person’s head and heart, stop and ask yourself what possibilities exist for the way they are acting. Things just might not be the way you assume them to be. You know what the old saying is about assuming, don’t you?
These two questions can be used in most any situation, most any relationship. Jumping to conclusions can be dangerous and detrimental to relationships. Heaven knows, I have done it enough to have a danged PhD in conclusion jumping. The good news is that it is never too late to begin responding rather than reacting.
Spend some time pondering the following questions.
Do you find yourself in conflict with others fairly often?
Have you been a responder or a reactor in the past to the seemingly odd and inappropriate reactions to others?
What would it take for you to begin to respond rather than react?
I would love for you to send me email ([email protected]) and share your answers with me. If you discover that you need some encouragement and guidance in finding a way forward toward responding rather than reacting, email and let’s chat about how life coaching might benefit you. You can also click over to my website to learn more about life coaching.
SDG/FCA!!
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