Proverbs 3: 5-6 tells me to “trust in the Lord with all my heart and do not lean on my own understanding; in all my ways acknowledge him, and he will make my paths straight.” So, when am I going to get it? When will I learn that His job is to make straight paths and my job is to simply trust Him? Over the past week I have been reminded of these truths in a very personal way.
While I enjoy writing, my true heart’s passion is speaking and teaching the Word of God. I have always enjoyed public speaking and lecturing—yes, I know I am weird, but that is just how God wired me!! Usually the things I write about often turn up in the Sunday school lessons I teach, but my real desire is to speak and teach the Word in a more public arena, especially to women.
Over the past several months, that desire has burned more fervently in my soul, especially when I sit and listen to an inspired speaker. I kept thinking and rationalizing that if God wanted me to be a speaker, He would make it happen and nothing had been happening. So, when I was appointed as the Women’s Ministry Director at my church, I decided that God was saying, “Sorry, kid, no speaking for you; you are going to administrate.” While my heart loves enabling Women’s Ministry to happen, I was disappointed that it appeared that God may be saying “No” to a speaking and teaching ministry.
Even though it seemed as if the door was not going to open for a speaking ministry, every time I attended an event where the Word was taught, my heart burned with desire for it to be me teaching the Word. Each time, I managed to beat that desire down by convincing myself that pride was the reason I longed to teach and that all I wanted to do was bring glory to myself. I knew deep within that the only person I desired to glorify was Christ, but I was so terrified of putting myself on the throne that I refused to consider that the desire was from God.
Almost two weeks ago, my friend Cindy and I went to Nashville, Tennessee for the Lifeway Women’s National Leadership Forum. At the Forum I attended a session with Priscilla Shirer, who is the daughter of Dr. Tony Evans and a mighty woman of God. Near the end of her session, Priscilla asked those of us in the room if there was a dream that we had given up on or was there something that we desired that seemed as if it would never happen.
I thought, “Oh, yes, ma’am there most certainly is.”
Priscilla went on to remind us that we serve a huge and awesome God who knows our dreams and desires, and if they are in tune with His will, longs to fulfill them. She encouraged us to pick up that dream and believe that God is going to make it happen.
Well, that just lit a fire within my soul all over again. After the Lord and I wrestled it out for a couple of days, I talked to my pastor and received further encouragement. My greatest hesitation has not been a fear of failure, but rather a fear of turning any ministry into an opportunity to glorify myself. Oh Lord, NEVER let it be!
I developed a brochure that gives the basic facts about the speaking ministry I believe God is leading me to and sent it electronically to a few people to gauge their reaction. On the same day, I received two (not one, but two) confirmations that I was hearing the Lord correctly and moving down the path that He desired. I was reminded that He will make the paths and straighten them and I am only to trust Him and acknowledge Him by walking those paths.
I am excited about what the Lord has for me as I launch this speaking ministry. He may have one speaking opportunity or twenty in a year, but whatever He has planned, I will feel humbled and honored to be able to serve Him in a way that brings me great joy.
