WARNING: THIS IS NOT A HAPPY, FUN POST. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!
Greg and I spent the weekend at our fifth wheel in Athens, Georgia and attended the GA/Vandy game. As I sat outside in my lounge chair on Friday evening, I watched an older gentleman help his wife into their motor coach. It was apparent that she had experienced a stroke or some other illness that impaired her mobility.
Broke my heart. Once they were young. Once they were my age, which is less young than it used to be. Now they are elderly and their bodies are showing signs of mortality and the fall of mankind.
I don’t like it. In fact, it moves me to tears when I think about it. I cried for them, but even more, and completely selfishly, I cried for myself. Because as much as I don’t like it, I see it happening to me.
I have to wear glasses to see my watch, cell phone, and food.
I take medication to heal bursitis in my hips and something different to help with gastric reflux.
There are fine lines and wrinkles on my face. Where in the sam hill did those come from?
There are rolls and bulges accumulating around my waist and thighs where previously there was none. Previously, as in 6 months ago!!
If I let the Miss Clairol grow off my hair, there might be a few grays waving back at me.
I’m not as flexible and limber as I was ten or thirty years ago.
And on it goes and I hate it!
I know it is a part of life, but that doesn’t mean I have to like it, does it?
I really just want to throw myself in the floor and pitch a tantrum in hopes that God might just take me on to heaven now so I don’t have to grow old and frail. Somehow, though, I think He probably would just let me cry it out and then tell me, “Trust me, my child.”
Do I?
Trust Him, I mean. I say I trust Him, but do I really trust Him with the years of my life where there will likely be illness, helplessness, and frailty? I really don’t want to grow old. I’ve said for years I just wish God would take me on now. But, that doesn’t seem to be His plan and I’m growing older every day.
“Leah, Even to your old age and gray hairs I am he, I am he who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you,” says my Lord. (Isaiah 46: 4)
Do I really believe Him and do I trust Him?
I’ll be very transparent with you…it is a hard question for me these days. I want to, but I’m so fearful of old age and helplessness. There are not many things I fear in this life but this is one of them.
“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand, Leah,” says He. (Isaiah 43:10)
I’m trying, Lord, I’m really trying.
