Heart Check

Am I making a difference for Jesus in this world?

Not for Leah, but for Jesus and His kingdom.

This is a question I ask myself periodically, especially in the days leading up to a speaking engagement. In late 2007, I experienced an unmistakable call to a speaking ministry, which also necessitates a writing ministry. Over the course of almost four years, God has taken me down paths and into places I never dreamed of going. I am still nearly speechless over the fact that He would use me in His kingdom. That is the point where I have to stop and ask the question ‘Am I making a difference?’ You see, I have no doubt that God has called me and that He will use me, but am I cooperating with Him and making a difference or am I just along for the ride to see where God will take me and claim some glory of my own along the way?

You cannot answer that question for me and in truth, I wouldn’t want you to even try. I must lay my heart bare before the Holy Spirit and ask Him to reveal the motives of my heart.

These are huge, gut-wrenching, heart-searching questions for me.

I’m convinced that ministry is similar to a small child learning to walk. It requires baby steps and a few stumbles to remind you that you are not the one empowering the work. All too often, I may allow myself to get on ‘ministry autopilot’ when it comes to the parts of ministry that I do well. Then God throws me a curveball and says, “Ok, girl, let’s see how this one works for you.” You see, He wants to remind me that it is not all about me. I may start running in this ministry race when He intends for me to still be walking.

In his book, When the Game is Over it All Goes Back in the Box, John Ortberg tells the story of his friend Max and Max’s granddaughter (p.142). The little girl asks Max if he would like to see her run. Max is a bit perplexed because thus far she has not excelled at walking, although she seems to have mastered falling.

Max tells his granddaughter that he would love to see her run.

“She lined up on one side of the room and sprinted across to the other side, directly into the refrigerator, and fell backward spread eagle onto the floor. Concerned, Max hurried over to her and said, ‘Honey, you’ve got to learn to stop.’ She looked up at him with a big grin and said, ‘Grandpa, I’m learning how to run.’”