Five Minute Friday ~ Whisper

It’s Friday!!! Today I return to the keyboard to participate in Five Minute Friday ( #FMFparty ). #FMFparty is a writing prompt that is offered by Kate Motaung at her blog. She throws out the word, and dozens of bloggers write like mad for 5 minutes on that topic. Unedited, unscripted, raw, and real. Today’s word has taken me a bit to process, but as I have prayed, I believe the Lord has given me the words to write about the prompt, whisper.

Ready?

Set?

Go!

 

I’ve heard the whispers almost my entire life. I’m 50, so that’s a passle of years.

Whispers that said,

“No, you can’t have that. It’s fattening.”

“That will make you fat.”

“We don’t eat that because it is fattening.”

It began at age 5, after I gained 25 pounds in one year…the result of finally having a throat that was not infected and full of swollen tonsils.

The whispers grew louder and louder, yet always a whisper because they came from the deceiver.

“You are fat.”

“No boy will want to be your boyfriend if you are fat.”

Eventually, I believed the whispers.

I decided one day, consciously or unconsciously, to do something about it. So I began dieting.

Then came more whispers.

“You need to be thinner.”

“You will get a boyfriend if you are thinner.”

“You will be more popular if you are thinner.”

Thirty pounds later, I was at my ‘goal’ weight of less than 100 pounds.

Marvelous, right? No! The whispers continued. They couldn’t be silenced.

Soon, I was passing out multiple times a day, weighing myself dozens of times a day.

I was in full-on idolatry and my body was my god.

Anorexia. Eating 600 calories per day was my goal.

I was half dead.

Then, one day a different whisper. One from Jesus. It pointed me toward a book.

“Tired of Trying to Measure Up: Getting Free from the Demands, Expectation, and Intimidation of Well-Meaning People” by Jeff van Vonderen.

Oh sweet mercy! Thus began my walk to freedom. Freedom from the whispered lies of the devil.

The voice I now heard was Jesus telling me that I didn’t have to measure up to the world’s standard. I was already accepted in the Beloved.

That still small voice saved my life.

If you would like to read more about my journey with anorexia, please visit my website. Here is the link to the first of a handful of posts about my journey.