Yes, LORD, walking in the way of your laws, we wait for you; your name and renown are the desire of our hearts. Isaiah 26: 8 (NIV)
When the Lord called me into ministry in 2007, my overwhelming desire was to bring glory to Christ. I didn’t want ministry to be about me, but rather for the light to shine on Jesus……or so I thought. My emotions and level of contentment, however, often disclosed the truth. I desired for Jesus to be the focus, but I still wanted to be a major player in the scene.
I love speaking before audiences, small and great, sharing what Jesus has done in my life. The problem was that speaking engagements were the gauge for my contentment level.
Many speaking engagement equaled contentment.
Few speaking engagements equaled ‘down-in-the-dumps, Lord-did-you-really-call-me-to-ministry’ emotions.
Ditto for blog comments and subscribers, Twitter followers, and Facebook likes.
The ugly truth is that MY name and renown were more important than I was willing to admit. I’d bet my next piece of Cheesecake Factory Strawberry Shortcake that I’m not the only one that has struggled with this? Maybe your struggle is not ministry related, but there is an area of your life that is more important to you than your relationship with Jesus. Anyone??
One day, about a year ago, I hit BOTTOM.
Leah: “That’s it, Lord. I’m finished. Obviously no one wants to hear what I have to say, because I have no speaking engagements. Why did I ever think I was called to be in ministry in the first place? I’m not eloquent or witty in my speech or in writing like so-and-so. All I do is teach the Bible.”
Jesus: “Well, finally! Now maybe we can make some progress!”
Fast forward to 2013.
The speaking engagements are still sparse. I’m still not eloquent or witty or entertaining in my writing or speaking.
But, this I am. I am content to be in this place where the Lord has me. (click to tweet)
Ministry looks nothing like I envisioned in 2007. Instead of the large crowds, I am in one-on-one relationships with young women. Instead of a major publishing contract, I have the opportunity to work with a wonderful group of individuals at a smaller publishing house on unique projects.
Absolutely, I would love a plethora of speaking opportunities, but that is not what the Lord has for me in this season, AND I am crazy good with that. I have had time to write the HeBrews and Vital Signs Bible studies. It has been amazing getting to know some fabulous young women on a deeper level.
My extremely wise husband said something to me one day that nearly put me on the floor. I was bemoaning the paucity of speaking engagements and sharing about the many opportunities for one-on-one ministry. Greg said,
“Think about it, Leah. Who do you think was impacted in a deeper way by Christ when He walked the earth: the people in large crowds or the individuals with whom He spent personal time? (click to tweet)
Whew!! Light bulb!!
Faith in Jesus + Trusting His Heart + Patience on my part = Contentment (click to tweet)
I don’t know what ministry will look like tomorrow or next month or next year. But this I know: I am content with His plan for me personally and in ministry.
